I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
