We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
