i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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