I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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