college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
