so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
