just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
