I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
