Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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