so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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