whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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