I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
