Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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