I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
