she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
