Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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