She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
