My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
