I hate your face
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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