I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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