The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
