Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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