You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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