you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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