took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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