so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You took a bar mat shot.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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