After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
