Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i love accidental penises.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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