using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
