Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
They have beer where we have blood.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
