yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The air was thick with penises
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
