Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.

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(410): He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go. http://tfl.nu/s9bl

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(440): View more from Ohio

I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating

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(440): I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating http://tfl.nu/7lhs

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........

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(781): the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away.......... http://tfl.nu/eso1

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(905): View more from Ontario

I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

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(905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj

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(316): View more from Kansas

She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....

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(316): She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar.... http://tfl.nu/1ee9

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

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(270): The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips... http://tfl.nu/unl6

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(386): View more from Florida

being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.

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(386): being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop. http://tfl.nu/b39q

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario

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(314): I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario http://tfl.nu/9b6y

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(636): View more from Missouri

Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.

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(636): Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me. http://tfl.nu/3e5v

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(573): View more from Missouri

These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.

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(573): These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times. http://tfl.nu/8sq6

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(907): View more from Alaska

Can I color on your dick again?

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(907): Can I color on your dick again? http://tfl.nu/t2pd

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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on

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(719): I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on http://tfl.nu/1fwc

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.

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(505): He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink. http://tfl.nu/5ult

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(940): View more from Texas

BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.

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(940): BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic. http://tfl.nu/0fj8

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(440): View more from Ohio

New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front

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(440): New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front http://tfl.nu/k7td

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