remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
