We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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