I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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