recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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