so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
