I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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