i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
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There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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