I wannas sexs uuuuu
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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