So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
