Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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