he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
