i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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