everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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