i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
