Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
