Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Too much gin, very little bucket
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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