Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
