don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
