Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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