Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize