hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
