i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
