If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Mom said you looked used
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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