Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
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It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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