You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
