The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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