She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
