How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
