I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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