he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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