I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
