Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
