I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm like, not good at living.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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