you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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