3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
COCAINE IS GR8
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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