i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
