I'm gonna have a badass scar
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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