his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
