My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
