But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
