It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
