sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
