How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
