literally had 100 drinks last night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
