i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
