Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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