Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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