I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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