she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm both gender and math confused
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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