My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
