Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
