Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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