Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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